This post will probably be a result of my rants and female neurotic nature. Although I am not neurotic nor a nervous person at all. I’m just human. And this fact alone causes strange things to be said out of a worried state. 

^ See? Rant.

• MOVING ON.

I would like to clarify a few things involving what I plan on doing with this life. My life. I know. It already sounds like a snore-worthy introduction to narcissism, but 1. this is a blog…people usually talk about themselves or the things they like through words and/or images. and 2. I promise I am not being egotistical…just, usually when talking about oneself in a long post, it is inevitable to sound so. 

Yes.

I want to be a model. I naturally fall under the category of “Alternative” because of the subjects I choose to model and of course…my height (some form of Infraorder Caridea* lineage somehow squished themselves into my DNA). I realize, with being a model, there is much categorization. High Fashion models seem to, in my opinion, have a larger variety and are not categorized as strongly as Alternative models. Categories meaning such as Latex, Pin Up, Fetish and the likes. And I am starting to see a wonderful fusion of the two. While this is absolutely fine…I don’t want to be just an Alternative model who only does Latex and Pin Up genres. I know. It does sound like a dream, and I would only be thankful and blessed to go as far as to model for ANY latex designer. But although I greatly desire this, that is not the only thing I want to do or represent.

And I want to speak about this because, well, we human beings have an issue with self identity. And I can’t help but say, at least one time, what I would like to do or what I have in mind. Of course, I am not going to write down everything detail for detail and bore your pupils with selfish nonsense. But I would like it to be clear, that modeling is not just modeling. Whether high fashion, alternative or the both of them put together. 

Not to compare (although I am obviously doing so) but take for example : an actor. I think people admire actors and play geniuses so much because they can envelop themselves into another world…and convince you silly. Making you feel like that is all they know. When in reality, they have learned their part. But they somehow make you secretly believe in magic. Hence why we can’t help but obsess over actors, directors, and people who create these magnificent visuals. Whether grotesque or not. I believe models have that same responsibility, but with the absence of voice and motion. All you receive from a model is a photograph. And I believe this is why models some how are only thought of as beautiful and a mannequin rather than an actual muse. Because it absolutely exceeds “beauty.”

I say all of this…because I want to portray all of this. Who knows, maybe I am an actress and I’m just too afraid to go to a class and test that out. We usually admire those who have a talent that we think we do not possess. Or, we do have something in common with that figure, that person, that “idol”…and only hope to go as high. But a real actor…a real model…a real artist…makes you forget. Brings you somehow to life.

Have you ever looked through a magazine or book that you usually wouldn’t look through. You wanted to test your eyes that day for the hell of it. Your eyes dance across each page, almost bored to death, doubting whether you should have looked through these blasted pages in the first place…until that one photo or that one editorial containing 4 pictures that make you gasp in the middle of wherever you’re standing? I have. I’ve once cried (quite embarrassing, but Steven Klein somehow manages to do it every time). And I can only speak from my experience. You forget the stereotype of what a “model” is or what a “photographer” is. All that transfers later into your skull. Later, Later…But you take the image in, almost wishing you could smell it or be inside the image itself. 

This is what I want to be apart of and cause. Some kind of visual paralysis. After the viewer has seen the image and admire it so highly, they acknowledge the model, the makeup artist, the stylist, the photographer, the costume designer, the shoe maker…and all the other intricate elements that make any visual image come to life. Because I have seen too many dead photographs…dead movies…dead dancers…singers…painters. But nothing compares to a work of art that causes your lungs to expand almost infinitely.

So when I say I’m an Alternative Model. Yes. I’m 5”4’. I want to model latex, be a pin up once in a while, portray some sassy vaudevillian more than once…but that’s not entirely who I am. I enjoy looking through images of Bjork, albino animals, frozen valcanoes, vintage Versace…more than I like seeing one girl posing in just herself and a few clothes with a grey backdrop (I love this too, but I love other things than this…than the norm). I like looking at Latex and Vinyl presented in an untraditional way. I don’t like to expect. I want every day to be some sort of a disastrous surprise party. I don’t always want red lipstick and stilettos (as wonderful as those two things are). 

I do not want to be JUST an Alternative Model. 

I am not one dimensional.

I’m a dancer, I’m an artist, I’m a thinker, I’m an entertainer, I’m a daughter, I’m ridiculous…and most of all : I am a muse. 

*Infraorder Caridea is Latin for Shrimp  

I hope this post has not offended anyone. And I hate to refer to you guys as “followers.” I have heard that celebrities don’t like to refer to the people who admire them as “fans.” And I some how understand that. This is solely my opinion and how I would like to be seen. When in reality I shouldn’t give a shit what any one thinks of me. But I can’t help it. I care tremendously. I’m only 21…who knows. Maybe I’ll be a female limousine driver in the end. 

But this is me now. And I hope I haven’t bored you. Goodnight and Thank You.

 Rivi Madison

P.S. If you would like to recommend me any amazing films, painters, designers, actors, mathematicians : anything that causes a flicker : I would tremendously appreciate it.